Inner Voice

[Note: I am so unsure about posting this. It may not make sense. It may not quite rhyme. It may sound deranged. But then, maybe others feel the same. So maybe its worth exposing my inner demons so you don’t feel so strange. If you’re reading this I got brave and pressed Publish!]

I have an inner voice
its a nasty little tyke
it hangs around and points and laughs
and mutters mean things like
‘you are worthless’
‘you don’t deserve this’
through my internal mic

I try to ignore and trust,
but the voice, it gets so hooty
until the saboteur I must
become, destroy emerging beauty

I have learnt it doesn’t last
and turns to rust so quickly
until you find you’re living
in an awful life so sickly
and years roll onwards past the wall
and was love ever there at all?

The voice says it is all your fault
you made him love you less
you drove him mad, exasperated
made him look for fun and mess
when you were just so dull and boring
worried about bills while he was snoring

And I look at myself and feel that it’s true
and the avalanche starts and I sink in the blue

I’m unlovable, ugly, unexciting and lame
I’m nothing to nobody, worthless, deranged
and no one will ever be calling my name
with a soft gentle sound and a tenderness clear
and holding me close and loving me near
and wrapping me lightly with love and with care
and loving me for what I am even where
I am crazy, irrational, maddening, stupid
What on earth would possess silly old cupid
to shoot arrows there?

But you say you’re not running away
and I stop still and stand with a sway
and I stare at you shocked and afraid
and I just can’t believe you have stayed

Published by Suzy Shipman

I like to take photos and write words ...

20 thoughts on “Inner Voice

  1. Blue Girl you are a talented poet, I can taste the anxiety here, from words, I can FEEL what you are conveying. We all have that voice inside, the “dreamkiller” I’ve named mine. But, we have to reach out so that we are reminded that just like a fun house mirror at a carnival, that voice distorts who we are and that voice lies. You are worthy of all that is good and wonderful, and don’t forget it ❤

    Like

  2. I’m glad you pressed ‘publish’ – courageous, because this is not fluffy-cloud poetry; the piece had a nice rhythm and perky rhymes, but then those ‘jumpy’ line-breaks which catch you slightly unaware, finishing off their reference – insisting – when you thought they had finished, just like the voice; the image for the voice I have is the Joker to the Self’s Batman. But all of this doesn’t matter … he STAYED! Excellent.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: