Then and now

I held you in my arms
exhausted but triumphant
a tiny baby
grown in me
each feature
perfectly formed
the overwhelming wonder
the rush of protective love
the fearful anticipation
what now?

Now looking up
as you tower over me
how did those years pass so fast?
I can no longer rock you in my arms
I cannot sing you lullabies
(so embarrassing)
but my love is as fierce as ever
and you are just as precious
and my only wish
is for your happiness
for your life to be full and content
as you step out
control your destiny
choose your direction
and I will be there
in the background
cheering you on
and lifting you up
with every breath

Happy 18th Birthday to my son x

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18 years

18 years ago
I was right here
A different person
But the same me

I was breathing
I was terrified
Realising my life was about to change
The fear
The thrill
The pain

I didn’t know it would be hours yet
But I knew it was time
It was all beginning
And everything would change

Nothing More

I would appear
To be nothing more
Than a list
Of ailments
Existing
In frown lines
Yearning for slumber

mourning

curling up in a chair
feet tucked under
book in hand

running up the stairs
in a rush
with springs in my feet

sleeping all night
rolling over and stretching long and wide
waking refreshed and full of life

scrambling up a muddy bank
hanging precariously from a branch
while getting that shot

bending to brush my teeth
bending to pick up the milk
bending to reach my shoes

squatting near to the ground for an age
following bugs and beetles
chasing grasshoppers

getting out of the car
just by simply getting out of the car
and standing up

walking for miles
up hill over tussocks
down rough woodland paths

even mowing the lawn
vacuuming the carpet
scrubbing the sink

just existing
without the constant awareness
of the pain

 

I know I should be concentrating on the positives of what I can still do, but it’s hard when I’m mourning the loss of the simple things due to this constant pain 😦

Spring will come

When I’m feeling down, when all I can see is endless pain and weariness, I try to remember this.

spring will come

Regardless of what is going on right now, however bleak it may look or feel, things can and will change. Spring will come. Each year new life does return and that gives me optimism for the future.

As well as the simple optimism that I will, once again, have flowers and insects to photograph, and warm weather to enjoy 🙂

Over the years I’ve written about spring many times, and of course I’ve taken many, many spring photos, so I’m going to share some of my favourite spring photos and poems for you. I hope this will help with your optimism as well as my own.

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Green-Veined White butterfly on Stitchwort

waking

unravelling the frozen trails
unwrapping the misty shreds of cold
that weigh down our limbs
and our souls

gradually waking
from the heavy sleep of winter

we are breaking out
pushing through the darkness
into the light
knowing that days will be
brighter, warmer, fuller
and all will be well

this too shall pass

 

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Bluebells after the rain
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Honey Bee on Spanish Bluebells

spring

hope
returns
seeping
into roots
bringing
tentative shoots
testing the air

may we
allow ourselves
to dare
to believe
in brighter
warmer days
in lighter
calmer ways

being
breathing
blossoming
in the
radiance of spring

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Cuckooflower
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Unfurling fern

spring is here

spring has slowly sprung
with lush green leaves
and fresh clean blooms
ferns unwind themselves
testing air before unfurling
bumblebees hum the soundtrack
of the change in the air
warm sun glows through petals
lace and frills against the blue
with sunshine on our backs
and in our smiles
we welcome new light

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Elm flowers
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Celandine

fighting for spring

despite
winter’s
lingering grip
with frozen roots
and shivering stems
we haul ourselves
upright
to bloom
to open up
our delicate hearts
and show the world
that we are strong
we will not
lie down in the ice
and let it
trap us in its depths
we will not
cool our golden souls
but stand up tall
declare it spring

 

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Columbine
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Daffodil

Hedgerow Rebirth

You may hack me down
You may shred me
Tear my branches
And leave me for dead
But I will return in the spring
You will see …

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Crocuses
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Snowdrop

Spring Hope

in a quiet corner
down by the church wall
spring is emerging
sending shoots of hope
into the cold winter air
come, spring
feel our welcome
I am thirsty
for your warmth

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Hazel catkins

 

Inspired by the Weekly Photo Challenge: Optimistic

light up the dark

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we
we are humanity
and throughout the centuries
we have proved over and over
that we have the capacity
for great evil
terrible acts of violence
power-hungry obsessions
clawing our way to awful heights
on the backs of the innocent

but we also have
the capacity
for great love

so love
love hugely
love widely
love extravagantly
love with all your heart and mind
make love the centre of everything you do
let every choice be made with love

do not let the darkness swallow you whole
do not be defeated by the gloom
rise above and
light up the dark

 


In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Victory.”

Autumn Kites

you circle by my window
like excited children

come out to play!

I come
but I am grounded
I cannot catch the gusts and glide

down here all is dying
abundance is no more
and everything I looked for
is gone

morning chorus

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a morning chorus
with bass notes
udders as swollen and ripe
as the berries blushing red in the hedgerow
welcoming the morning
as the sun rises over the dew-drenched fields
and mist hangs low in the valley

Change of season

The seasons are definitely changing here in the UK. Despite some lovely sunny days it’s certainly not summer any longer and the crisp misty mornings are not the only give away. Change is visible all around in the trees and hedgerows.

This is a young Shieldbug sitting on a bramble leaf. I love how the colour in the leaf is reflected in the Shieldbug with his red eyes.

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Some of the blackberries that haven’t been eaten by birds (or people) have started to reach the unattractive dried-up stage. But the Shieldbugs don’t mind and are making the most of them.

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The leaves in my Beech tree are started to turn. Yellows with a hint of orange amongst the green.

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Some have already fallen:

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And here’s another creature enjoying shrivelled-up blackberries – this Speckled Wood butterfly is also unfazed by their less than attractive appearance.

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And the earth turns

seasons come
seasons go

step forth into the dark
hold fast to hope
life will return
in the morning

so it was

and so it shall be

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Change.”

Calm Seas

calm seas

my words are not lost
but sunk
(not in a bad way)

deep in calm waters
far from churning waves
and strong currents
they rest on the sand
dappled with light
from gentle ripples

they wait

and if the storm comes
if the sea gets rough
they’ll rise in the swell
be there when I need them
to let out some pain

but for now

they wait
unrequired

for I am with you
and with you
is all
calm seas

for Bruce (of course) and for Trent who misses our words 🙂

Musing on my Muse

my muse is all around me
the air, the soil, the sky
the warm embrace of mother nature
the flash of butterfly wings
the shimmer of bug on leaf
the breeze through the long grass
the buzz of bumbling bees
the splash of a tiny frog
as flowers open to the sun
showing their hearts on their sleeves
tiny mosses rest on walls
in the dark, secret places
buds slowly swell
in wild garden, hedgerow, pond and wood
I breathe deep of my muse
fill my lungs with her beauty
capture just a glimpse of the wonder
and share it with you

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In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Muse.”

Hedgerow Rebirth

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You may hack me down
You may shred me
Tear my branches
And leave me for dead
But I will return in the spring
You will see …

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Forces of Nature.”