Then and now

I held you in my arms
exhausted but triumphant
a tiny baby
grown in me
each feature
perfectly formed
the overwhelming wonder
the rush of protective love
the fearful anticipation
what now?

Now looking up
as you tower over me
how did those years pass so fast?
I can no longer rock you in my arms
I cannot sing you lullabies
(so embarrassing)
but my love is as fierce as ever
and you are just as precious
and my only wish
is for your happiness
for your life to be full and content
as you step out
control your destiny
choose your direction
and I will be there
in the background
cheering you on
and lifting you up
with every breath

Happy 18th Birthday to my son x

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18 years

18 years ago
I was right here
A different person
But the same me

I was breathing
I was terrified
Realising my life was about to change
The fear
The thrill
The pain

I didn’t know it would be hours yet
But I knew it was time
It was all beginning
And everything would change

mourning

curling up in a chair
feet tucked under
book in hand

running up the stairs
in a rush
with springs in my feet

sleeping all night
rolling over and stretching long and wide
waking refreshed and full of life

scrambling up a muddy bank
hanging precariously from a branch
while getting that shot

bending to brush my teeth
bending to pick up the milk
bending to reach my shoes

squatting near to the ground for an age
following bugs and beetles
chasing grasshoppers

getting out of the car
just by simply getting out of the car
and standing up

walking for miles
up hill over tussocks
down rough woodland paths

even mowing the lawn
vacuuming the carpet
scrubbing the sink

just existing
without the constant awareness
of the pain

 

I know I should be concentrating on the positives of what I can still do, but it’s hard when I’m mourning the loss of the simple things due to this constant pain šŸ˜¦

Calm Seas

calm seas

my words are not lost
but sunk
(not in a bad way)

deep in calm waters
far from churning waves
and strong currents
they rest on the sand
dappled with light
from gentle ripples

they wait

and if the storm comes
if the sea gets rough
they’ll rise in the swell
be there when I need them
to let out some pain

but for now

they wait
unrequired

for I am with you
and with you
is all
calm seas

for Bruce (of course) and for Trent who misses our words šŸ™‚

Musing on my Muse

my muse is all around me
the air, the soil, the sky
the warmĀ embrace of mother nature
the flash of butterfly wings
theĀ shimmer of bug on leaf
the breeze through the long grass
the buzz of bumblingĀ bees
the splash of a tiny frog
as flowers open to the sun
showing their hearts on their sleeves
tiny mosses rest on walls
in the dark, secret places
buds slowly swell
in wild garden, hedgerow, pond and wood
I breathe deep of my muse
fill my lungs with her beauty
capture just aĀ glimpseĀ of the wonder
and share it with you

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In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Muse.”