Edge of the World

Slipping
Sliding
Falling
Nothing to hold on to
No-one there to catch me
I can’t stop it now
Soon I will fall off the edge of the world
There’s nothing left

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A Moment

Life is
Suddenly
Overwhelming
Sometimes

Noise, chatter, small talk, do this, do that, keep smiling, don’t stop, keep moving…

I am one
Who needs
Quiet and peace
And time and space

Breathing deeper, slower, calmer, letting go of knotted muscles tense and tight…

My mind is
Far away
From here

Summer afternoon

Warm sun
Gentle breeze
Bare skin
Bees buzz
Birds sing
Leaves rustle
Stream gushes
Smells of summer

In the distance a mower roars
Children squawk and chatter
Tractors pass laden with hay
Fluffy clouds drift overhead

Idyllic summer afternoon it seems
Yet it doesn’t reach me
Doesn’t seep into my soul

Flying

Throwing myself off a precipice
Not to drown in darkness
But to fly into the sun
Standing at the edge looking
Up instead of down
Grinning defiantly

Leaping into the unknown sky
Trailing rainbows
And sunbeams
Rising up into the air
Lifted by warm currents
Stretching out my body

Exhilarated and free
Laughing wildly as my hair whips my face
Shouting into the wind

On Trend

The latest fashion,
The new look for summer,
Is red-rimmed eyes
And messed up hair.

The latest style,
The must-have accessory,
Is the balled up tissue
And chocolate bar.

Waves

Waves crashing over me,
Waves of sadness,
Waves of frustration,
Waves of hopelessness.

In between, the relief of feeling
Normal.

As the ocean sucks back its spent waves
I’m ready for the next one.
Braced for it to smash into me.
I think I know what’s coming,
But it surprises me with its strength
And I’m staggering back,
Struggling to stand against the onslaught.

I catch my breath, trying to find
Balance.

Waves crashing over me,
Waves of loneliness,
Waves of self-loathing,
Waves of pain.

I want to get off this beach 😦

Fighting

There was a small candle.
Not perfect but bravely burning and keeping the dark at bay.
Now it’s been snuffed out, the darkness comes rushing back in.
Billowing clouds of deep inky blackness that make everything grey.

Fighting to stay afloat.
Fighting to see some hope.
Fighting myself.

I have all the platitudes, I know it’s right and we’ll be ok.
I know all that and yet I’m bleeding, all the life draining out of me.
Lying on the ground broken and alone.
Everything is pain and pain is all there is.

Fighting to stay afloat.
Fighting to see some hope.
Fighting myself.

And the sun will still set.
And the sun will still rise.
And life will go on.

Walls

I’m gonna build me some walls

I’m gonna make them 10 feet high

I’m gonna put barbed wire on the top and bits of spiky glass

I’m gonna lock the gate and bolt it shut

I’m gonna build a bunker underground

I’m gonna buy the world’s strongest safe

I’m gonna bury it deep beneath the soil in my walled garden

And that’s where my heart is going to stay

Light

A light appears from an unexpected source

Like a beam of sunshine burning through the fog

Warming and brightening the gloom

It shines with an intensity that scares me

Like a searchlight seeing right through my soul

I am all at once exposed yet safe, bewildered yet soothed

The light lifts me and cradles me gently

Leaving me comforted

The Edge

Again, I am teetering on the edge.

Looking down at the swirling darkness,

Tempted to leap in and let it take me.

 

It feels like pain is all there is.

Nothing but the tearing loneliness,

When brief connections just make it worse when they’re over.

 

Questions go unanswered, needs go unmet.

I am lost. Empty and alone.

I want to smother the feelings, blank out the hurt.