Then and now

I held you in my arms
exhausted but triumphant
a tiny baby
grown in me
each feature
perfectly formed
the overwhelming wonder
the rush of protective love
the fearful anticipation
what now?

Now looking up
as you tower over me
how did those years pass so fast?
I can no longer rock you in my arms
I cannot sing you lullabies
(so embarrassing)
but my love is as fierce as ever
and you are just as precious
and my only wish
is for your happiness
for your life to be full and content
as you step out
control your destiny
choose your direction
and I will be there
in the background
cheering you on
and lifting you up
with every breath

Happy 18th Birthday to my son x

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Beach Riding

So, yesterday, I spent quite a large amount of time getting ridiculously windswept and covered in sea spray! But it was for a good cause. My daughter asked for a beach ride for her birthday, so I had arranged for her, her friend and her friend’s mum to go to Nolton Stables in Pembrokeshire and get the beach ride she dreamed of 🙂 It was very exciting for everyone and I was happy to get some good photos of the occasion. As you can imagine, there were many, many more photos than this, but here’s a few of my daughter and the lovely beach we were on. It was quite a cloudy day and the wind was very strong, but it didn’t seem to matter as we all had a great time 🙂

sixteen tomorrow

not quite a sweet sixteen
my ungainly man-child
{lanky limbs – big feet – chin fuzz}
submits to a hug
a kiss even
high honour bestowed
upon this
embarrassing mother

thank you

Birthday Breakfast

In a bit of a change from my normal photographic offerings, here are some photos from my iPhone taken yesterday at a joint birthday meal for me and my daughter (my birthday was on Friday and hers is today) Me, my daughter, my mum, dad and sister all went to the local Harvester to try their unlimited breakfasts. You can basically ask for as many as you want of anything from the menu … e.g. my daughter asked for 6 rashers of bacon and 3 sausages! There was also all the continental breakfast items that you can have as much as you wanted of, as well as tea, coffee and juice. It was really fun and tasty, and good value too 🙂 We also had to go on the bus (Bruce has the car, back home) which added to the adventure as we rarely go on the bus at home.

And here’s one my daughter took of me (instagrammed so it has filters and stuff):

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41

another birthday
another year of living
and I am content
no roller-coasters to fear
I ride the teacups
hand in hand with you
and many many birthdays
will come and go
together

Brimstone & Friends

Today I saw a Brimstone Butterfly, which I’ve never seen before! It was worth the walk in the hot sun to get this shot 🙂

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And there were other butterflies too:

Oh and by the way, it’s my birthday today! 😀

happy-birthday-to-me

A decade with my daughter

10 years ago today … this was me and my daughter celebrating my 30th and her 1st birthday (on the day in between them) … this year it’s 40 and 11, how time has flown by!

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(not one of my photos clearly, as I’m in it – this was taken by her dad)

birthday thoughts

unspecial

the day arrives
and I feel
numb
it’s just a day
no fanfare
no miraculous changes
no nothing
and I don’t feel special
at all

selfish wishes

on my birthday
I’m like a child
wanting this to be
my day
wanting to be the centre
of attention
wanting others
to make me feel
special
but this is
just selfish wishes
all tangled up
in hormones
and only I
have the power
to let myself
feel special
on the inside

not thinking

if I don’t actually
think
about my birthday
it’s fine
things are good
it’s only when
thinking
and
expecting
that I feel a lack
of that indefinable
birthday
something

balance

as day goes on
I recover my balance
remembering
that to some
I am special
all of the time
not just this one day
and tonight I have time
with my love
just us two
and that is a wonder
to me

one

one
more day
until I change
miraculously
emerge from the chrysalis
of my thirties
and bloom with butterfly wings
with maturity and wisdom
as my watchwords
flapping my wings
flying into that new life
as life begins

or
is it the other way

one
more day
until I change
miraculously
crawl wearily out of bed
all bent and creaking
a white-haired crone
wrinkled and old
dried up and dusty
who nobody sees anymore
over the hill, past it
just freewheeling to the end

or maybe
just maybe
it will be a day
like any other
except it’ll be
a day to feel special
a day to celebrate being alive
a day to be thankful
for all that I have

and maybe
just maybe
I’ll enjoy it

two-day

two-day
is for remembering
for counting
the ways of change
in a decade
of difference
since thirty
came and went
with small ones
tugging at my hands
time hurts
time heals
but time always moves on
and so do I

and on the third day …

time is falling
from the sky
and I’m twisting, arching
flinging myself
at odd angles
trying to avoid the downpour
but the years
will soak me through
one is born
one dies
one fights the inevitable
yet in the end
comes acceptance
lying down in the
feathers of mist
drenched in age
and as dawn comes
I will stand up again
with a creak and a groan
proudly wearing the
cloak of antiquity
and embracing
the passing
of youth

fourteen

1670_44551731323_9342_nit has been fourteen years
since I held your tiny body
in my arms for the first time
woozy and exhausted I sat
staring at you in wonder
my son, my first born child
all tall and gangly now
you soon will tower over
your embarrassing mother
who sometimes makes you cringe
yet I have learnt the complex rules
of teenage hugging bans
which fortunately only apply
when in a public place
those fourteen years have changed you
from sweet soft baby into
smart, funny, sensitive teen
of whom I am proud
and still sometimes
I sit and stare in wonder
at your not so tiny self
in amazement at what was created
back then all those years ago

For my son who is away at his dad’s at the moment – this is the first year ever when I have not been with one of my children on their birthday. Though I know he’s fine and happy, it is a very strange feeling for me to not be with him on this day