my head is full
of brambles
where thoughts get snagged
and tangled up
where worries catch
and hang like flags
all flapping in the breeze
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anxiety
a tiny grain
of worry
quite minor
no big deal
has been bouncing
around my head
for days
like a hailstone
in an updraft
growing bigger
adding layers
upon layers
of other small worries
until
it’s too heavy
to stay in the clouds
too big to ignore
so it has become
a huge worry
a vast worry
an out-of-proportionally large worry
rattling around my mind
weighing me down
exhausting me
with its non-specific
out of control
anxiousness
and I don’t even know
what I’m worried about
anymore
and all I want
is some peace
and some rest
from this fear
self
stretched taut
thin and delicate
a fragile veneer
over the endless circles
of my unkind mind
dip
the dip in the road
approaches
I feel it
and I fear it
all these days
I was strong
now so weary
can I fight it?
drowning
some days are like drowning
sinking down in the blue
’til you reach down to save me
when I come home to you
I rush up with bubbles
leave the darkness below
bob up to the surface
to be wrapped in your glow
snowball
the snowball
that is me unravelling
rolls downhill
growing in size
from one small thing
the world starts to spin
faster and wilder
tumbling and falling
’til I crash in your arms
squeaky voice tears
soaking your shirt
and hold on tight
to your love
feel
fears
diminished
defeated by love
as you
patiently pick away
at my walls
and push me
gently
past the
invisible barriers
to break free
and dare
to feel
going numb
constrained
by fear
of myself
not enough
yet too much
now encased
in a wall
going numb
halted
my song
has halted
my voice
is broken
my tongue
is tied up
in knots
my mind a fevered place
of thoughts and ideas
swimming in murky waters
of worries and fears
and I ache
for you
and I yearn
to smile
fully
warmly
with every part of me
and feel that joy again
just in being
and knowing
your love
this too shall pass
this too shall ease
even now it fades
and my sparkle will return again
Chained
a heavy chain
made of fear and worry
wraps tight around my chest
making breathing shallow
and turning lips to blue
solid links of cold hard iron
dig into my flesh
stifling
suffocating
holding me down
and all I can do is wait
head bowed
tears welling
hanging on to your hand
until the chain
rusts away
again
Growing Old
will I lose myself
become an empty shell
shrivelled and dry
with nothing left of me
a desiccated husk
a wisp floating on the wind
this life, this vibrancy
fading away to dust
sparkles fizzling out
like dud fireworks
as this ache
takes all that I am
my colours fading
bones growing
ever more weary
skin marked
with faded memories
of smiles and laughter
eyes lost
in times remembered
seeing nothing of now
as life
drains slowly away
Sorry this is a tad depressing … just the way my mind is wandering today … perhaps I’ll write something a little more cheerful after a good night’s sleep 🙂
on top of the world?
in a bar
on top of a brewery
in Dublin
on top of the world
fun times
free drinks
but
suddenly
I am overwhelmed
my love needs me
and I’m not there
friends are sad
I’m no use
children want to talk
and it’s all I can do
to hold back the tears
sitting in the bar
music banging
vibrating through my head
and I want to enjoy
but I feel all alone
in these crowds
and I can’t
see how
to fix
everything
that needs fixing
and I’m scared it’s not
fixable
what if it’s not?
what then?
trying to let go
trying to relax
letting my foot tap to the music
but the tears are so close
I must just try
