Seeing the Future in a Flowering Currant
Symbols of my Life
I was considering the Weekly Photo Challenge of ‘Symbol’ and wondering how this could be applied in my macro world. I could have taken photos of my engagement ring, but that’s not very original, so in the end I decided to think about important moments in my life and photos that symbolise them.
This was just over 3 years ago, when I’d just about gotten over a really difficult couple of years and was trying to feel more positivity about the future. I took this photo of myself with a remote shutter, with the camera on the tripod. I was trying to capture myself twirling, letting go of the past and its heartbreak, and feeling the joy (it was my birthday). It symbolises the end of one era and the start of a new & better one.
This one is me with my camera a few weeks later. I was in Bournemouth with my sister and my children and you can see that the positivity was working, I was beginning to find myself again and enjoy life. And of course I was really getting into photography. I’d had the camera for about 3 months at this point – my first proper DSLR – and I was finding my niche. (Thanks to my sister for this photo)
And then a wonderful thing happened… through blogging I met a lovely man 🙂
Here’s Bruce and I out for a walk during our first weekend together. This is symbolic, as I’m sure you can imagine, of the beginning of our relationship, when we met in person for the first time after getting to know eachother online.
And here we are nearly a year later – happy and together, engaged and sharing a home. This one symbolises the real, solid, happy partnership that developed from the virtual, online beginning.
And just to finish off … this one is now – just a few minutes ago 🙂 I dragged poor Bruce outside to take a selfie with me so that I could add it to this post.
This one symbolises the future.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Symbol.”
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Me
When I wasn’t me, I swam among the sharks and let them take a bite. I offered up myself, inviting teeth to pierce my flesh. Seeing sweetness in their many rows of teeth despite the blood-stains on their lips. And when they lacerated my skin again and again I conspired to make some teeth marks of my own. Compounding pain with pain till pain was all there was. I wasn’t me.
Time brought understanding of my folly. My seeking out of sharks disguised as lovers came so clear to draw out tears of hot dark shame. But turning from the deep waters led me here, to find the truest heart, hiding in plain sight. Drawing out my me-ness, till all the pain had slid into yesterday, and I was me. I was me and you were you. We are we.
rush
lying
in warm darkness
the quiet
is not so quiet
the stream rushes
louder tonight
swollen by rain
in my mind
I see
the white water
pouring down
from the hills
crashing over stones
splashing
swooshing
swirling
and I might be swept along
in the tumbling torrent
swept with the twigs
and the leaves
the lost things
and the rush
of all the possibilities
all the twists
and turns
of where we start
and where we find
ourselves
and all the things we might do
the places we’ll go
the changes we’ll make
and the love
that keeps growing
as the year turns
and the unknown future
rushes towards us
simple desires
warm sun
and daydreams
fly-away wishes
all I desire, I have here with me
building our dreams
into new life together
the simplest of things
full of beauty for two
half a year
half a year
has gone by
in a flash
it would seem
yet so much
has changed
since that moment
of wonder
when you stopped me
from falling
off the edge
of the world
caught hold
of my hand
and changed my
direction
you brought back
my smile
and made me
feel safe
as I tiptoed
your heart
and let down
my defences
now with all
that I am
and with all
that I will be
I love you
my walnut
much, much more than too
letting go
seems I fail
at letting go
of past hurts
speak of leaving them behind
yet hold them to me tight
picking at the scabs
making them bleed
putting the past
behind me
forgiving
and
forgetting …
so much easier
if the past doesn’t
creep up
and grab me
by the ankle
pulling me back in
it’s just this small thing
just this tiny thing
but magnified
’til those past hurts
are right now
sore and stinging
with unfairness
and confusion
I have to learn
this letting go
remember
what I have
here in my hand
this golden
precious
love-filled future
where pasts are merely
stories
of a different time
and
now
is all
that matters
open gate
two years back
a difficult decision
to be made
stay sad and stuck
or step out on a new path
thoughts spinning
tears falling
alone and afraid
clinging to hope
that life could be better
this open gate
representing
a path to somewhere new
I took a deep breath
and stepped through
This print of a Chris Chalk painting is freshly framed today. I bought it nearly 2 years ago, while in the middle of making a huge decision, and finally today I got it up on the wall. I bought it because it represented hope and choosing to step out into the unknown.
New Year
past hurts fade with the sand
as it drains from the hourglass of the year
choosing to let them go
each memory freed to fly with the wind
no more to dwell on those
mistakes, heartbreaks, sadness and loneliness
as midnight passes by
hands and hearts held, looking to our future
serendipity
time stumbles
over this
stirring-pot
and trips up
on our
transformation
from two to one
from you and I to us
ripples eddy forth
as we forge
our lives together
all at once brand new
yet here since bygone times
as old as this landscape
sprinkled with sheep
but fresh and lively
as the first winter lambs
time is pushed back
by our paradox
we exist in a bubble
of days of boundless hours
able to speculate
on the serendipity
of the discovery
of these missing parts
which make us whole
the last time
amid the bustle
and stress of day to day
a pause
a moment of reflection
affection
for you
the wonder
that you are
and as you rest
you rest assured
that you are held tight
in my arms of words
my ribbons of words
reaching all the way to you
my tendrils of love letters
tenderly touch your face
and stroke your wayward hair
knowing
that this will be the last time
the final night
there will be no more of these
distant words in the dark
the end of these sad yearnings
for something more
and the joy swells within me
the butterflies whisper softly
and I count down the hours
until I come to you
and bring you
home
happy ever after
and we shall have
our happy ever after
our joy and our laughter
as we walk hand-held
into this sunset
as we walk as one
new to this mind-set
of trusting and knowing
there’s nothing to fear
that nothing can stop us
in this new year
the times before
just practice runs
the lights before
just feeble suns
our fingers entwined
hopes, dreams combined
I am your lean-to
and I lean on you
a balancing act
to rival the highwire
an accepted fact
you keep me on fire
it’s gone wrong before
we’ve made foolish choices
but this time we listened
to trusted voices
not the shoulds and should nots
but the coulds and why nots
we are not young now
near 40 we hover
we know what’s important
or not worth the bother
alone we are nothing
together we’re everything
and we shall have
our joy and our laughter
and we shall have
our happy ever after
