Nothing More

I would appear
To be nothing more
Than a list
Of ailments
Existing
In frown lines
Yearning for slumber

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mourning

curling up in a chair
feet tucked under
book in hand

running up the stairs
in a rush
with springs in my feet

sleeping all night
rolling over and stretching long and wide
waking refreshed and full of life

scrambling up a muddy bank
hanging precariously from a branch
while getting that shot

bending to brush my teeth
bending to pick up the milk
bending to reach my shoes

squatting near to the ground for an age
following bugs and beetles
chasing grasshoppers

getting out of the car
just by simply getting out of the car
and standing up

walking for miles
up hill over tussocks
down rough woodland paths

even mowing the lawn
vacuuming the carpet
scrubbing the sink

just existing
without the constant awareness
of the pain

 

I know I should be concentrating on the positives of what I can still do, but it’s hard when I’m mourning the loss of the simple things due to this constant pain 😦

weary

sharp-edged
storm brewing
you gnaw at me still
infinity draws my eye
a thousand glowing fairy lights
from now to evermore
each day the same
drape tinsel on my pain
wrap me in darkness
allow me this
hidden
I weep

forgotten

I have forgotten
how it feels
to be normal

to sleep
and wake
refreshed
to live my days
carefree and well

I live in a limbo
where pain shadows me
and sleep is never enough
and drugs meant to help
become enemies
bringing sickness
when I try to break free

I have forgotten
how it feels
to be normal

sleep-lack

consistently weary
persistently dreary
walking in a grey, drab world
muffled and gruffled
I continue snappily
less than happily
if I could clear this sleep-lack
if I could only find the knack
to sleep all night
without a break
without a wake
to shift my aches and pains
perhaps I’d get
my focus back
if I could find
the sleep I lack

need

seeking
   relief
dreaming of
   absence
wishing for
   IS NULL
for a thing
   to be no-thing
sucking a vacuum
   into being
with the strength
   of need
      to
         be
            free

office-enough

we are all
sitting in boxes
bathed in blueish glows
tap tap tap
phones ring
I am so tired
I would lay
on this rough carpet
curl up foetal
eyes closed tight
while meerkats peer
over monitors
and I rest my head
with back support
as a pillow