thought leak

what is the point
of this day-after-daily-grind
work pain sleep (badly) pain work
this question swims
round my mind
and this pain
is woven through everything
and the guilt with the pain
that I moan so
when it could be worse
and it’s not so bad I catch my breath
anymore
but the pain and not-enough-sleep
and hormones
and work-stress
colours all my thoughts
and easily I slide
from pain to guilt
to snowball rolling fast
I am not good enough
not positive enough
not nice enough
not … enough
and down we go
and tears
and tears
and you standing
helplessly
no words
just a hand brushing tears
and tears
and I think
if I could just sleep for a day
or if I could just get that X-ray
or if I could just take your pain away
it would all be alright
but I can’t
and the thoughts tumble
churning
weaving
circling
round and round
and I sit in silence
without a single word to say
that won’t unleash a storm

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inappropriately

feeling foolish
I hide my face
behind a curtain of hair
small things
trigger memories
of bigger things
and tears prickle
inappropriately

stormy tears

edit-6773

the wind blows
us into tomorrow
gusts rush the leaves
off the trees
whisking winter
into view
and the clouds cry
for the loss of yesterday

self

stretched taut
thin and delicate
a fragile veneer
over the endless circles
of my unkind mind

waterfall

and the tears come
in a sodden rush
dripping off my chin
as I weep
for the loss
of pain-free days
weep at the tiredness
that seeps
into my bones
and wonder
when will it end

enough

not good enough
not fun enough
not good enough
not brave enough
not good enough
not sexy enough
not good enough
too shy
too blue
too much
too many
it rants and rants
around my brain
you ask am I ok
and my answer
only tears
no words
illogical
irrational
and oh so tired
so very tired
why must I
spin in circles
when my gravity
is here?

snowball

the snowball
that is me unravelling
rolls downhill
growing in size
from one small thing
the world starts to spin
faster and wilder
tumbling and falling
’til I crash in your arms
squeaky voice tears
soaking your shirt
and hold on tight
to your love

thank you

eyes threaten
to overflow
blinking fast
breath sucked in
lip bitten
quietly chewed
a small sniff
sneaking out
unbidden

thank
you

secret tear (a Cyhydedd Fer)

hidden from sight this time of year
often is shed a secret tear
behind closed doors it trickles down
escaping with a worried frown
expectations of this season
can bring pressure beyond reason
as perfect presents must be bought
and rising panic must be fought
it cannot be a perfect day
so let’s see it another way
realise there’s no need for faking
and admit our hearts are aching
enjoy the day for what it is
allow a lull of festive fizz
come together with affection
and embrace our imperfection

This is an attempt at a Cyhydedd Fer, which is a form of Welsh poetry.

tears from the sky

 

tears have fallen
from the sky
as nature mourns
time passing
the fires that rage in
treetops high
will fade too soon
tears frozen

tears

there are tears
in the way of my eyes
and i can’t see you
and i miss you
so much

Wrapped

your words wrap round me
like the touch
of softest silk
on exposed skin
eyes shimmer and shine
as I look
at your sweetness
and kiss away
your tears as they fall
fears drift away
replaced by
love